I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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