i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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