Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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