Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Bang-toberfest begins!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize