Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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