i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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