the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize