You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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