I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize