Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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