I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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