Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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