I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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