Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize