I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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