i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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