Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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