ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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