when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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