um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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