one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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