can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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