Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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