Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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