that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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