my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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