He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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