I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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