After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize