I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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