Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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