dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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