Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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