Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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