he thought i was a dude.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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