3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize