every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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