Whod you bang
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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