I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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