my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize