I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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