I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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