did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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