Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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