You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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