I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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