I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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