I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize