Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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