If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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