Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize